Author: Dr Karen
As Pam finished off the last touches of her mascara, she couldnâ€™t remember the last time she was this nervous. A 54 year mother of 2 college aged kids and recent divorcee, finds herself among a growing baby boomers with a broken marriage, kids all grown up and an empty house. Pam met Brian, also a divorcee through a mutual friend who set them up on a casual dinner date.
After being married for almost 20 years, dating again is a whole new ball game to Pam and many women like her. What can Pam do to ease her through the strange, awkward and often confusing world of dating in your 50s?
The first dateâ€¦.
The safest first date is to meet for either coffee, lunch or dinner. It is easier to have conversation over a good meal and it is a non-threatening environment. To take someone you havenâ€™t even met or met briefly to a movie or a concert perhaps is risky. And youâ€™ll find out a good deal more about them in a couple of hours at a restaurant than anywhere else.
What to wearâ€¦.
Mom jeans are not going to work. Take this as an opportunity to get a new look. Get that slightly daring haircut you always wanted; try on that blue V neck sweater your sister gave you last Christmas that you always thought showed just a little too much cleavage and pamper yourself at the spa before your date.
Remember you want a fresh new start but always stay true to yourself; small subtle changes work better than big drastic transformations.
Remember, nearly all of the people you meet in this age bracket have kids. Most are grown and on their own. And many will have grandkids too. So that is always a safe way to start up a conversation.
Dating is basically about presenting the best possible version of yourself to someone you hardly know. You might be tempted to exaggerate or try and impress your date. Men especially like to talk about their financial status, job, cars, â€œI have a beach condo in LAâ€, â€œI have 100 acres of land in North Virginiaâ€. Keep bragging to a minimum because it indirectly communicates to your date that your personality is based on superficial material things.
Art, music, theatre, sports, politics, travel are the bread and butter of conversation during a first date. Remember to keep it light; stay away from heavy topics that could easily lead to an argument.
The golden rule for conversation during a first date: do not bring up your Ex or your dateâ€™s Ex. Keep old relationships in the past. You are both there for the same reason; to start afresh. No one wants to spend 3 or 4 hours listening to the emotional baggage of someone they just met.
What to watch out forâ€¦..
If it sounds too good it probably is. It is typical of people to exaggerate. So perhaps you shouldnâ€™t accept everything that is said at face value. Just be a little cautious. One thing you want to be sure of is whether the other person married. You would be surprised, for example, of how many married men want the thrill of dating again. So ask a direct question â€“ are you married? Some will admit it. Another cop-out answer is to say, â€œwell weâ€™re separated.â€ That is a red flag.
Always meet in a public place for your first date. Gone are the good old days where you could invite a man to your home for a nice meal without needing a background check.
You have taken the first big step of putting yourself out there. Dating is meant to be an enjoyable experience. Donâ€™t sell yourself short and stick to the first man or woman who shows you a little interest. There are many lonely hearts out there looking to find love the second time around.
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